"You Are Not the Voice in Your Head"

Knowing I have a Heavenly Father who created me for a reason (see Colossians 1:16) has given me a very important project: learning what He sounds like so I can recognize His voice.

I mean, if He created me because for some incomprehensible reason He needed a “Me”, I don’t want to miss any important messages, instructions, or assignments. I wish I could tell you I had this one down, but there’s been a pretty steep learning curve. I’m definitely getting better, but can’t say I’ve mastered it. But I do have some clues…

I have to mention here, that someone else has a voice too – and it’s nasty. It’s a voice of blame, criticism, accusation, and condemnation. It is the snarkiest, most cutting voice I know, and it does not belong to my Heavenly Father.

Let me repeat this important reality: that nasty voice in your head that hates your guts and tells you everything you do is a mistake? No, wait – tells you that you are a mistake? Yeah, that’s not your Father. That’s a voice of destruction – the destroyer – and he’s lookin’ to do you wrong.

I’ve learned for myself that there are three voices in my head. The first voice is my own – authentic, frightening, random, and for me, anyway, hysterical. It is massively entertained by pretty much everything, why I will never be bored, lives in a constant state of free association, and focuses in roughly 3-minute intervals. I’m being generous here.

I can recognize that authentic voice in my head for obvious reasons - the easily distractible skittishness of its trajectory generally tips me off. Morally speaking, my own voice is kind of neutral - it neither congratulates nor condemns. It's more like the real little kid I came as - with its original, divine factory settings.

But the second voice is a nasty, destructive one. It beats me up for everything I think, say, and do. This voice loves to recall past hurts, paints me into the victim box, plays Uncle Ricco in my head and reminds me how it all could have been different if only I hadn’t done x, y, or z back in 1975, and paralyzes any desire for growth and progress by presenting me with a cataloged and alphabetized list of every. Single. Thing I need to do to get my sorry act together.

Tamara W. Runia, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, had this to say about that voice:

"And you need to hear this, so I'll say these words out loud: 'You are not [this] voice in your head or the mistakes you have made. You may need to say that out loud too. Tell Satan, 'Not today.' Put him behind you." (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2025/04/43runia?lang=eng, emphasis added).

This is important to recognize the second voice that beats us up; It. Is. Not. Us. It is is the ultimate saboteur, and the sooner we can recognize the difference between the first voice and the second - the better.

But there is a third voice which is God’s voice - heard and felt through the influence of the Holy Ghost. Because He loves me, He does not trash talk me.

I repeat, and need a bigger font: God does not trash talk you. Ever. He doesn’t condemn you. He doesn’t give you endless lists of everything that’s wrong with you. You are not a mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes. In a fallen world, mistakes happen all the time, but you are not one of them. I am not one of them. God’s kids are not mistakes – He did not get that wrong.

I have found this out repeatedly over many years as I’ve mulled over various problems in my mind. Often, I’ll realize I’m actually having a pretty engaging, meaningful conversation with myself.

Suddenly, I realize that one of the two sides of the conversation in there is really, really smart, and knows all the right answers. Everything this Somebody says makes perfect sense, and inevitably, ends up being the voice which offers the best course of action or solution to the problem.

Over time, I have come to trust that that Somebody is my Heavenly Father, speaking to me through the power of the Holy Ghost. It is loaded with common sense, and never steers me wrong.

I have actually, in mid-conversation, stopped dead in my tracks, and whispered tentatively, almost reverently, “Is that…You?” And of course, because it is, a warm rush confirms that I wasn’t just batting ideas around with myself. Someone had stepped in to point me in the right direction.

It took me longer to recognize the darker voice than my own, as not my own. Learning that has been sobering; I’ve realized Satan has had free reign as a stealth agent in my head for far too much of my life, because I haven’t known it was him with the dark, accusing, condemning voice.

I believe most human beings are hardest on themselves, which means most people probably don’t recognize that voice as not authentically theirs, either.

The voice that relentlessly beats you down is NOT the voice of self.

A few years ago, an inspired Sunday School teacher taught that “Satan” is not a name, but a title. The word “Christ” is not Jesus’ name, but His title – Greek for “Anointed One". Similarly - “Satan” is not Lucifer’s name, but his title – “accuser".

My reaction to learning this was nearly visceral; I can still remember how thunderstruck I was at this information. Another class member added this important observation: “That makes Christ’s title as our “Advocate” much more significant.”

Indeed.

This served as a second witness to something I had been slowly and painfully learning: my thoughts of self-condemnation don’t originate with me. The voice of accusation comes from the one who would have me believe the very worst things about myself.

The truth is that I have made many, many mistakes. The lie is that I am a mistake.

The truth is that I need to change in order to improve. The lie is that I can’t change or improve.

The truth is that I have a long way to go to achieve perfection. The lie is that it’s too far, and that there’s no one to help.

There are things that make me more susceptible to the accusing voice:

• I’m hungry, or I’ve eaten food that cannot pass as fuel.

• I’m angry, lonely, or tired.

• I haven’t grounded myself with some meaningful time in prayer, in the scriptures, or with the words of living prophets.

  
  

• I haven’t been to the temple for a while.

  
  

• I haven’t been a wise steward of my time.

  
  

Any or all of these things make it very hard to hear anything but that condemning voice that is so quick to indict and convict me on the spot.

So, not to be too obvious or anything, but it seems very important to flip that list on its head and point out what makes me more susceptible to hearing Father’s voice: I’ve eaten proper fuel and I’m rested. I’ve had meaningful connecting time with Father through prayer, scripture study, studying the words of the living prophets, and attending the temple. I use my time better – which always includes serving others. These things keep me balanced, more in tune, and better able to recognize the voice of my Father, who loves me.

This has been a crucial life lesson – recognizing the voice of condemnation, so I can reject it – and the voice of approbation, so I can embrace it. It has also been tender to learn that the odd, random little authentic voice is so very adored and appreciated by its Creator. One of the sweetest lessons of my life has been to learn how completely loved I am - and how could I not? Of course the perfect Father of time and all eternity loves His daughter in all her uniqueness.

Father doesn't condemn - He allowed Jesus to condescend and live like us so He could suffer, bleed out, and die in our behalf - all so we wouldn't be condemned as long as we keep trying again and relying on Him who is mighty to save (2 Nephi 31:19).

Rather than listen to the condemning voice of the accuser, recognize that as with Moses encountering Satan - that in limiting the definition of ourselves which he presents - he tips his hand in the very condemnation (see Moses 1).

Presenting a limited, flawed, temporal - temporary - identity will never come from the voice of the One who created you and died for you.

This is not the voice of your Abba - your Papi. And as Sister Runia testified, neither is it your own authentic voice of wonder, and vulnerability, and teachability.

Learning to distinguish these voices makes all the difference - but learning which voice you choose to focus on - and believe - will make all the biggest difference in your life. But that’s another private lesson.