Is Repentance a Topic for Polite Company?

True story 1: Many years ago, a friend was telling me about something he/she had observed in his/her in-law's marriage that had been less than ideal. Translation: this was a normal marriage. Clutch your pearls now, Lucille. Yes - we were talking about a HUMAN marriage in a FALLEN world.

The weakness wasn't something egregious like abuse, but it was definitely unrighteous dominion - the garden-variety kind that we often fail to recognize AS unrighteous dominion - the passive aggressive manipulation many of us resort to when we feel a loss of control with another fallen human - too often with those we allegedly love the most.

Since at least one of the couple had passed away at this point, I said something along the lines: "Well, hopefully he/she's has learned not to do that anymore, and has repented."

I was truly surprised at my friend's reaction to what I thought was a fairly innocuous comment; he/she was scandalized. "Oh I don't think it's something he/she has to REPENT of!" he/she exclaimed.

True story 2: Many years ago, a young woman in my neighborhood had a baby out of wedlock. Gratefully, she had chosen to have the baby, even though marrying the father wasn't an option at the time. I remember being so impressed as she moved through the pregnancy. It was apparent that she wanted to make things right with the Lord. As a member of our ward, I saw her attending church regularly, staying close to the bishop, etc.

This topic cropped up in a conversation - as these things are wont to do - with another neighbor who didn't attend church anymore. I remember him/her asking how the young mother was doing.

I wanted to say something positive and uplifting, and not succumb to the level of gossip - not always easy to do, right? So I said, "She seems to be doing so well - she's repenting and getting on with raising this baby on her own."

I was surprised at my neighbor's reaction to the 'R' word, and he/she gently reproved my use of it, "Oh - don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

So today we need to talk about this insane idea that repentance is a bad thing and not to be discussed in polite company. Or at least, that repentance is a good thing, for bad people. So can we just start with this and get it out of the way?

WE'RE ALL BAD PEOPLE.

"Let me explain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up." (Princess Bride)

When Paul says: "All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) - he means that literally. God's glory has been lost to all of us mortals because of the Fall. Going into that highest eternal level of glory in our current state of misalignment would feel like coming in from working in your yard all day on Saturday, and immediately showing up at a black-tie event. Only worse. It would actually, physically, kill us.

God's glory is so glorious, that without Jesus Christ, we are irretrievably lost. Goners. ALL OF US. Even people who are trying to be good are - in this sense - bad people. Because of - say it with me - the Fall.

Russell M. Nelson taught this in the April 2019 General Conference:

"Too many people consider repentance as punishment - something to be avoided except in the most serious circumstances. But this feeling of being penalized is engendered by Satan. He tries to block us from looking to Jesus Christ, who stands with open arms, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen, purify, and sanctify us.

"The word for repentance in the Greek New Testament is metanoeo. The prefix meta- means 'change.' The suffix -noeo is related to Greek words that mean 'mind,' 'knowledge,' 'spirit,' and 'breath.'

He goes on to say this - which maybe should be cross-stitched on our foreheads: "Repentance is not an event; it is a process.(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/36nelson?lang=eng)

I'm not sure where we got this notion that repentance is not to be discussed in polite company, that surely you don't need to repent, or me, and certainly an imperious in-law doesn't need to repent, and certainly a young girl who made a baby without benefit of being married doesn't need to repent!

Surely we don't think repentance isn't for good people - but only for bad people! It's like we think we need to live in such a way that every minute of our lives is worthy of an article in a church magazine. We've somehow managed to create a counter-culture where we don't discuss repentance - ours or anyone else's - in anything other than hushed undertones of scandal.

I remember hearing a church speaker once laughingly wonder what his neighbors would do if we said to them at church one Sunday, "Good morning, Brother So-and-So - how is your repentance coming along?" And then he asked why - when repentance is the priceless gift that it is.

So when my neighbor wondered if I was being harsh - rather than loving - at noting an unwed mother was busy repenting - don't even ask me how I managed to reply counter to that counter-culture. I wonder if maybe the Holy Ghost took charge of my mouth for a little minute. I don't remember my exact words, but pretty close: "Oh, I don't think it's harsh to say she's repenting - I'm watching her turn into a person who wouldn't even dream of making a baby without being married first!"

And that is when my new favorite definition of repentance was born that until that moment, I didn’t know that I knew:

"Repentance is the process you go through to turn into the person who wouldn't dream of doing the thing that you did." (Book of Laureen)

Which is captured in the Hebrew definition of repentance: "teshuvah" literally means "return" and signifies turning back to God after straying.

This is what turning around looks like.

Fallen from glory as each and every one of us are, this is the process we go through to transform our attitudes and desires and realign them with the glory we came from, so we can be restored to that glory without feeling like we're in our yard clothes, or also dying.

I invite all gentle readers to consider joining me in my campaign of making repentance fashionable - nay, joyful - again. No more hushed tones, no more shame attached. If Jesus suffered the cross because of the joy of our repentance set before Him (Hebrews 12:2), then we can be joyful as we talk about our chance to participate in it.

Repentance isn't a gift begrudgingly offered as a last resort for nearly lost causes. It's been joyfully offered at great cost to allow any and all comers through the door He opened with His atoning sacrifice. If we want it.

Let's get polite people everywhere buzzing with happy anticipation because of it.