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Come Follow Me (2 Nephi 2) I’m forever indebted to David A. Bednar for expounding the importance of being agents to act rather than simply being acted upon.  Pondering this concept as explained by Lehi in 2 Nephi 2 has helped me solidify what it means to be a true disciple and take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ. When a person of authority cannot be somewhere within the purview of his authority, he sends an agent. That agent goes into any scenario he is assigned in the name of his master. He does what his master would do had he come himself - not only out of loyalty and love, but so as to not sully his name and reputation. When we’re baptized, we become agents of Jesus Christ. We become His agents in the circles of influence in our lives, since Jesus can’t be literally in the individual lives of all of us. But He can be in the individual lives of all of us if we take seriously the covenant we make of taking upon us His name and becoming His agents, doing what He would do if He were there. Agents… act. In 2 Nephi 2:14 & 16, Lehi teaches: “…for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon. “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other.” In my mind, I always thought of this as an either/or proposition. God created us to act and intentionally exercise the agency which He gave us at infinite cost. Many other of his creations would be acted upon - things without sentient will, like rocks or trees. Until recently, I’d always assumed this either/or scenario could also be applied to humans who were more fully proactive versus humans who were more passive. I imagined that in teaching us this principle, God expected us to be more active and less passive - not allowing things to simply happen to us the way things happened to rocks or trees. But then I started noticing how many times the Book of Mormon talks about people departing from sensible behavior because they got “stirred up.” Individuals and communities alike behaved in horrible ways because of being stirred up by someone else. Far too often, the stirring up was done completely by design. Suddenly, I saw a third side to a scenario I’d always imagined as two sides of a coin: act, or be acted upon.  But… what if another way to be acted upon is to let emotion play far too great a role in your decision making?  What if your choices were altered in unrighteous ways because your thinking was clouded by emotion? My whole life, I’ve heard people talk about certain people’s behaviors being the cause of their own bad behavior. Someone “made” them do it. But isn’t that the purpose of personal practice? To weed out those tendencies so we are more fully agents to act, and not be acted upon? This was a different side to being acted upon I had never considered before. Lehi teaches that we’re enticed by our divine natures through the element of our spirits, and by our carnal natures through the element of our bodies. All this - so we can learn to choose. Choose light over darkness. Kindness over cruelty. Charity over enmity. Generosity over stinginess. Magnanimity over pettiness.  Law over chaos. Liberty over bondage. Creation over destruction. God - and all that He is - over all else. If those are the choices we really want to make, don’t we want to make them with the clearest head possible - using fixed principles to navigate over the fickleness of our emotions? Being stirred up and only acting on emotions is just as much being acted upon as remaining a rock-like clump of passivity. If we don’t practice making the things we value truly matter most, then we will never be true agents who act. We will never do more than react - making us vulnerable to demagogues and propagandists. The stirrer-uppers. If you’re really going to be an agent, don’t you want to make up your own mind and make your own choice really be… your choice?

Come Follow Me - 2 Nephi 1-2 I love 2 Nephi with all my little girl heart.  I think of it as headwaters in the Book of Mormon; the purest doctrine flows from this counsel to Jacob, Lehi’s son born in the wilderness. One verse is packed with gems, and in that verse, there’s one word that was like a Rosetta Stone for a better understanding of who - and how - God… IS. “And because of the intercession for all, all men come unto God; wherefore, they stand in the presence of him, to be judged of him according to the truth and holiness which is in him. Wherefore, the ends of the law which the Holy One hath given, unto the inflicting of the punishment which is affixed, which punishmentthat is affixed is in opposition to that of the happinesswhich is affixed, to answer the ends of the atonement—“ (2 Nephi 2:10) The Rosetta Stone word in that verse is affixed. The day I played with that word, I swear:  if I’d been a cartoon character, a light bulb bubble would have appeared over my head. This was about the time I had started to study natural law and divine law. I was learning that the natural laws of the universe are fixed and cannot be altered. The likes of gravity, velocity, and entropy are predictable and unchanging in their ever-present reality. What I was also learning was that divine law - the laws of the universe that govern human behavior - are just as fixed and unchanging. Things like chastity, generosity, kindness, and charity are just as unfailing in their attendant consequences. And then I saw it. The word that provided scriptural proof of the seedling of such an idea: affixed. Both punishment and happiness are affixed to our behavior. So - God doesn’t simply mete out blessings or punishment out of anger or spite, but because He must. So - you know when you buy a Toyota, suddenly all you seem to see everywhere are Toyotas? Suddenly, after having started to connect this doctrinal dot - all I saw was this principle. Everywhere. Neal A. Maxwell said it this way: "It is important to understand that obedience is not simply a requirement of a capricious God who wants us to jump hurdles for the entertainment of a royal court. It is really the pleading of a loving Father for you and me to discover, as quickly as we can, that there are key concepts and principles that will bring happiness in a planned but otherwise cold universe." - A Time to Choose, pp. 13-14 A “planned but otherwise cold universe” suggests that Father is not passing out harsh judgments willy-nilly, but rather, that His commandments are warnings about consequences which even He cannot avoid. "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated - "And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." - Doctrine & Covenants 130:20-21 Affixed. Natural law teaches us that if we plant an apple seed, we’ll eventually get an apple tree. Which is absolutely wonderful… Unless you wanted oranges. So it is with the divine laws for human behavior. The more I’ve studied natural law, the more I’ve come to know God - nature's God - as a Father of natural consequences.  Few are the times He actively punishes His children for disobedience, and it's generally for widespread disobedience - think: flood. More often, He warns about natural consequences attached to our choices, and allows us to feel the realities of those choices with those consequences. The moral equivalence of gravity, velocity, or entropy looks something like this: Stop worshiping God... and you will eventually worship stuff and stop feeling a duty to anything higher than your own needs, pleasures, and whims. Stop worshiping God...and you will no longer feel a brotherhood with your fellow man, or feel a need to treat others as you would be treated. Stop treating others as you would be treated...and you eventually see them not as brothers, but as objects - either in your way, or as tools  to help you further your own desires. The Old Testament prophets warned that people who turned away from God would be part of nations which would suffer war, famine, and pestilence. Those three consequences are nearly always mentioned in that order. If God is, in fact, a natural consequence Father - is it possible that those three scourges on humanity are not consequences imposed on us by an angry Parent, but rather, the natural consequences of nations who have become completely self-absorbed and self-centered? Selfishness always leads to contention because of seeing others as in your way.  Contention left unchecked and turned chronic will always lead to war. War is the largest drain of a people's resources and always leads to massive hunger. Hungry people get sick.  War...famine...pestilence.  What if God doesn't "zap" us for disobedience at all, but rather...that we "zap" ourselves with the very real, affixed consequences of our choices? If that is true, then one of our reasons for being on this earth must be to learn about the "irrevocable decrees" of heaven - the fixed principles and their attending blessings...or punishments. Which leads to the phrase in verse 10 which states we will be judged by God “according to the truth and holiness which is in Him.” If God’s plan works in us, we will learn this lesson of fixed consequences. We will also learn to not simply recognize the goodness and truth and holiness of God - but we will also learn to prefer it. Want it. Choose it above all else, because we love it. We will be judged by the truth and holiness God possesses, and here’s the very best part: because He knew we were 100% incapable of this level of truth and holiness on our own, He sent His perfectly obedient Son - the Lamb without spot - to qualify for all of us. If we prefer it - choose it - and love it. Lehi’s teaching of this generous plan is exquisite. It isn’t taught in any other book of scripture with such stark clarity and plainness. It is precious. It is delicious. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this chapter.

[Originally published December 8, 2019] The Salt Lake Temple is about to close for 4 years. I didn’t think I felt as deeply about the loss of this temple for a time until the last few times I’ve gone this year. There is a spot right inside the actual temple - a grand hallway outside the first ordinance room that I will never forget. It’s maybe what the foyer into the personal Holy of Holies in my heart looks like. There are gorgeous newel posts and a bannister on the stairway at the far end, and a stunning stained glass window on the landing. There are exquisite chandeliers and paintings, beautiful woodwork and ornate trim. I remember the first time I stood there - on December 8, 1979 - the day I received my endowment. My naive, inexperienced 23-year-old heart wanted to burst that I was finally entering the House of the Lord, and that particular spot has taken my breath away every time since that day. I’ve realized as I’ve attended this year that it’s taken this 40 years of wilderness to feel like I even begin to understand better what it really means to be prepared to “enter in.” Every time I have ever gone to the Salt Lake Temple, that vantage point still makes my heart leap - I am entering the House of the Lord! I can’t do it justice to try to explain it, but you know I’ll try. There’s absolute joy and anticipation in it - and gratitude - but there’s another thing. As a kid and beyond, I’ve had dreams of being in various temples that I didn’t recognize at all. Because my dream temples have been similar to the temples I’ve actually attended, and because the dreams have recurred over many, many years, I’ve wondered if I’m remembering something from before this life. Every time I have one of these dreams, I get excited (in my dream), and start to pay close attention, hoping to remember details. What I felt in the dreams with the temples-that-aren’t-temples-of-this-earth was remembering. I truly believe that part of what took my breath away on December 8, 1979 was recognition and remembering. Part of the 40 years of wilderness experience since that day has included: - Fear and nervousness of the unexpected in the temple - Fear and nervousness of forgetting - Reluctance to take the time to go to the Temple regularly - Chagrin at recognizing how easy it’s been for the destroyer to talk me out of going to the temple - Understanding that in order to make a deeper habit of attending the temple, perhaps I didn’t even dare write my plans on my calendar for his evil minions to see - Growing appreciation for the simple beauty of the way God’s plan for His children is taught in the temple - Deeper gratitude for being taught directly by my Creator, Father, and God, through the power of the Holy Ghost, in His holy temple. Several years ago, after a particularly rough patch of wilderness, things started to open up for me, and I couldn’t stop thanking Father for how He had wrought a mighty change in me. One night, as I was thanking him - again - for this great miracle, I felt, rather than heard these words: “I gave you as much as I could, for as seldom as you’re in the temple.” Please hear this: there wasn’t a hint of rebuke in this simple, loving statement of fact. It was at that point I started making a more sincere and diligent effort to be in the temple more often. This has taught me that even in this, there is a natural law, with natural consequences attached. No wonder apostles and prophets have referred to the temple as the Lord’s “university.” More glorious than any other happy consequence of being in the temple more often is how I’m able to feel more and more the craving to be there. As more storms have come in the wilderness, it’s become ever more instinctive to run home - to weep and mourn for my trials and earth stains, to feel comfort from heavenly Parents, to be strengthened to go back out into the wilderness, with power to go in the name of the Savior and do His work. The sure provisions of my God attend me all my days; Oh, may Thy house be my abode and all my work be praise; There would I find a settled rest, while others go and come; No more a stranger nor a guest, but like a child at home. (Isaac Watts, My Shepherd Will Supply My Need) In that one particular spot in the Salt Lake Temple, I will forever hear these words. Whenever I hear that beautiful hymn, in my mind, I’m in that sacred, exquisite spot just inside the Salt Lake Temple - my temple - the temple where Dale’s and my kingdom began - where the eternal organism of our family was born, one week later. Going to the temple is to give us the taste - the reminder - of home, and to give us the desire to be forever at home - in our original home. The two most important invitations: come - and remember.

[Originally published October29, 2019] I had the privilege of speaking at the Independence Day sunrise service in our city in 2019. I’m grateful for divine inspiration in the preparation, and I ended up using some of the material for a panel I participated in at the United Nations’ 68th Conference on a Civil Society, held in Salt Lake City in August 2019. In 1776, John Adams wrote to his wife about the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Of this day, he said: “I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.” On a day like today, it may seem like niggling to differentiate between freedom and liberty, but allow me to make my case. First - I want you to think of any two-year-olds in your life. It seems their entire raison d’être can be summed up in three words: “I DO IT!” A two-year-old, fairly new to this planet, seems driven from a source deep within them to DO IT. THEMSELVES. This can be extremely vexing to the adults in the two-year-old’s life, in direct correlation to how big a control freak the adult is. At this level, self-governance is just plain messy. Pause here for imagined adventures with dressing, bathing, fixing breakfast... As I considered the founding of our country, it struck me that in 1776, when the Declaration of Independence was signed and presented to England, a toddler nation stepped out upon the world stage filled with centuries-old players, and defiantly announced, “WE DO IT!” Alexander Hamilton captures the essence of the idea of the American experiment in the opening Federalist: “It has been frequently remarked that it seems to have been reserved to the people of this country, by their conduct and example, to decide the important question, whether societies of men are really capable or not of establishing good government from reflection and choice, or whether they are forever destined to depend for their political constitutions on accident and force” (Federalist Papers, No. 1). The Declaration of Independence boldly asserted that nations could indeed be peopled with men and women who were capable of governing themselves - who intentionally chose what kind of government they would have, and not have that government thrust upon them. It further asserted that human rights come from our Creator - are a part of us - and that because we all have them, we are all equal before our Creator - and among each other. It audaciously suggested that governments only exist by consent of those being governed, that they are to mostly leave people alone to govern themselves, and that they are subject to being changed or removed if they violate those basic human rights. In fact - the Declaration put forth the radical idea that the only role governments have is to protect those rights. From the Declaration: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” PARENTHESES: What about those who don’t believe in a Creator? Believers are important in a society - because of their belief that the source of human rights is a Creator - and historically - tyranny has only flourished in godless societies. That is not to say that everyone in a society must be a believer; but a nation must be able to have both believers and non-believers alike, equally able to weigh in with their world views as public policy is made. I repeat: tyranny doesn’t flourish when there aren’t enough believers - tyranny flourishes when belief is prohibited. Which leads us to the difference between liberty and freedom. The two words have nearly become synonymous, and have come to mean doing whatever you want, whenever you want. Because people largely move through their days unhindered, they imagine they’re free - but is that liberty? What is the real difference between freedom and liberty? Liberty is freedom to do good, to act with justice and compassion, and to live according to the most basic natural law of the golden rule: doing to others as you would have them do unto you. Liberty is freedom from restraint - where good and noble acts towards our fellow man are not prohibited by law. Liberty is freedom of self-determination - freedom to develop talents - to become educated. And a true education includes timeless, unchanging principles, which can be tested and measured for their validity throughout the ages. Without this, the educated are ill equipped to preserve their liberty. Liberty is freedom to accumulate property - and the freedom of being a good steward of that property. It is choosing freely to share the abundance of what your self-reliance has built - and choosing freely to use largesse to help and serve your neighborhood and community - in the ways your conscience mandates, not in the way the state mandates. Liberty is recognizing that personal responsibility is inherent in human rights - because liberty isn’t just about rights. Human rights are inextricably linked to responsibilities. Laws don’t exist to restrain or abolish our rights; they exist to protect them. In the second verse of “America, The Beautiful,” we sing: “America, America, God mend thine every flaw, Confirm thy soul in self-control, thy liberty in law.” I remember walking in this beautiful park a few years ago on the morning of July 5. I couldn’t get over the litter - everywhere. I felt so sad to think we were so far removed from self-government - collectively - that we largely left something that was a personal responsibility to be someone else’s problem. All of us long to live in a society without litter - but that only happens because people pick up after themselves. And they pick up after themselves because they prefer living in a place with no litter. A very wrong idea about the role of government has infected our modern society. It is that government should do much of what used to be done by individual citizens, churches, local communities, and private enterprises. The idea seems compassionate - we must do for those who can’t. But how often does that become doing for those ... who won’t? But what about those who can’t? Don’t we have to have programs & bureaus to create social safety nets for them? The problem with safety nets is they can become restrictive for even those who don’t need them. You have to practice self-government in a world that offers to do everything for you. So on Independence Day, I have two radical invitations for you: Read the Declaration of Independence today - and every Independence Day - REMEMBER - why it was written. If you CAN do it - DO IT. If you SHOULD DO IT. Channel your inner toddler and remember - you were created to govern yourself - and help those around you to do the same - without the force of law - but with the force of the second great commandment. And... Pick up your trash on your way home!

A sleeper scripture tucked into 1 Nephi 14 became ‘new writing’ for me when BYU chose it for the theme for their women’s conference several years ago. As Nephi saw the counterfeit gathering of Babylon preparing to fight against the Lamb of God, Nephi beheld “the power of God descend upon the saints of His church and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory.” (1 Nephi 14:14) So here’s some things to wonder: - What does righteousness look like? - What’s the difference between authentic righteousness and hypocrisy? - How can righteousness arm you against evil? - How can righteousness give you access to the power of God and His glory? First - righteousness looks a lot like obedience to God’s law. It’s motivated by love of God rather than fear of God.  There’s desire to do what’s right that starts to become a part of the heart and mind and soul with each practiced act of obedience. In spite of getting it wrong regularly, perhaps even on a daily basis, it looks like which way you’re facing at the end of the day, and which way you’re facing the next morning when you start again. Hugh Nibley said: “Who is righteous? Anyone who is repenting. No matter how bad he has been, if he is repenting he is a righteous man. There is hope for him. And no matter how good he has been all his life, if he is not repenting, he is a wicked man. The difference is which way you are facing. The man on the top of the stairs facing down is much worse off than the man on the bottom step who is facing up. The direction we are facing, that is repentance; and that is what determines whether we are good or bad.” - Hugh Nibley, Approaching Zion, pg. 301-302 Righteousness is a regular target of derision and criticism in the world at large as people often confuse self-righteousness with the real thing. In fact, if anything screams “me thinks he dost protest too much,” it’s a so-called unbeliever hurling the criticism of hypocrisy at a righteous person. Hypocrisy is pretending you’re something you’re not; an authentically righteous person knows what he is not - perfectly righteous.  He fully recognizes he is a work in progress, riddled with flaws in a fallen world. A righteous person doesn’t feel self-congratulatory when he gets it right; he feels gratitude that he did for once. The world seems to use this standard to define hypocrisy: anyone who lives beneath what he believes as part of his value system to be right and true and good.  Hmmph. By that standard, every single human except Jesus Christ is a hypocrite. A righteous person knows full well he isn’t living up to every standard he values, but he is trying every day. But a hypocrite pretends he’s actually pulling it off.  There is nothing authentic or genuine in hypocrisy. From our friends at Google, we learn this about the root word: “The word hypocrite comes from the Greek word hypokrites — “an actor” or “a stage player.” It literally translates as “an interpreter from underneath” which reflects that ancient Greek actors wore masks and the actor spoke from underneath that mask.” An authentically righteous person knows who he is trying to become, and readily acknowledges the distance between where he is and how far he has to go. So how can being a completely messed up human being, who needs and uses the gift of repentance daily, become armed against the combined powers of evil in this world in the last battles? This is the essence of practice, and the beauty of becoming what you practice. As a piano teacher I’ve watched daily practice literally transform piano students into legit pianists. Students worry about making mistakes at their lesson. They don’t realize that in spite of the mistakes, I can tell whether they’ve practiced during the week or not.  Practice simply… shows. I think that’s what it’s like when you’re practicing being a better person than you really are - a more patient person, a more generous person, a more forgiving person. What if, as you practice those things - clumsily and horribly day after day - you begin to transform into a legit patient person, generous person, forgiving person? What if you’re gradually, daily, inevitably, becoming the things you practice every day? What if that’s the oil you’re putting in your lamp in preparation for the Bridegroom? What if the reason it arms you against evil is because you’re turning into a person who doesn’t ever seek after evil anymore, and that gives you protection - because what if God’s natural laws of both the universe and human behavior are such that He is indeed bound when we do what He says (D&C 82:10), and He must give us additional access to His power and glory and protection when we make daily practice a lifestyle? And what do we practice?  We practice listening when the Holy Ghost nudges us to not say this, or do say that. To use a free afternoon this way, or to not use a late night that way. So many things to practice, and if we’re honest with ourselves and truly motivated, it might surprise us how very much more power we have to know what to practice every day - eventually in the very moment. Saying you’re a righteous person is similar to saying you’re a piano student. We are students of righteousness - doing it quite badly on a regular basis. But if we’re facing the right direction every day, and we’re willing to try again every day, using the gift of repentance and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, it’s enough. It’s enough for a generous Father in Heaven, and our generous Savior who paid for us to have the privilege of daily practice.  And in the crunch of the battles of the last days, it’s going to matter that we’ve made practicing a lifestyle. It’s going to show.

Come Follow Me (1 Nephi 16-22) I love that God teaches in patterns. A free associating brain like mine has a much easier time connecting the dots with patterns. Maybe it's a human thing. The word of God is symbolized in this curious ball which mysteriously shows up the morning Lehi's family has been instructed to break camp and go elsewhere. At first glance, an idle observer can't imagine this exotic artifact has such a crucial purpose. You have to open it to get it to work. But so many other patterns are instructive as you watch this family navigate with their new device. Pattern 1 - the ball led the family "in the more fertile parts of the wilderness" (1 Nephi 16:16). The word of God keeps us in the more fertile parts of the wilderness of mortality. To stay in these fertile parts is to remain spiritually focused, not allowing the temporal enticements of mortal living to draw us away from our eternal purpose and mission. A spiritual focus is an eternal focus - intentionally looking - peering hard when we're out of practice - at the goodness of God in our lives - even if temporally we are in the middle of a wilderness of adversity. Spiritual focus makes the wilderness of mortality more rich and abundant. Within days of this valuable tool of help and guidance appearing, the temporal wilderness of Lehi's family gets just a little more fun when Nephi's bow breaks. Ironic timing much? Here comes the family's first test of faith after the liahona appears, and the only one who thinks to use it to help them is Nephi. What a beautiful example of Christ-like love. In all his proactivity of urging the family to remain faithful and creating a makeshift bow, Nephi still turns to his prophet father - a man who shifted his own spiritual focus to temporal for just a little minute (hunger can do strange things to people) - and asked him - as the priesthood leader - where he should search for food. Pattern 2 - the Lord directs us into the scriptures - His word - for answers to our problems. "And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord said unto [Lehi]: Look upon the ball, and behold the things which are written." (1 Nephi 16:26) I wonder how many times I could've received better help and more clear answers from the Lord by being more present and engaged in my scriptures. Or here's one for you: by opening them. Because Nephi makes this stunning realization as his father turns to the ball per the Lord's instructions: Pattern 3 - the scriptures give us guidance and reveal God's will in our lives "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the faith and diligence and heed which we did give unto them." (1 Nephi 16:28) According to faith and diligence. Faith looks like entering with an intention to do something about what you learn. Diligence looks like keeping at it if you don't get an answer as fast as it shows in Book of Mormon videos, and if it takes a while to see if you're serious (see what faith looks like). Diligent also looks like starting over again when you've been less than faithful and diligent. Diligent isn't 100%. Diligence is 100% starting again. Again and again and again. Pattern 4 - we get insight from the scriptures sometimes with new thoughts and ideas. "And there was also written upon them a new writing, which was plain to read, which did give us understanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which we gave unto it." (1 Nephi 16:29) Okay this might be my favorite part. New writing? Changed from time to time? What's all this? From a book with the same words written it from thousands of years ago? The Holy Ghost is able to give us this "new writing" because of our consistent and diligent effort - according to our faith. Savor every word of this eloquent testimony of "new writing" from Corrie Ten Boom as she writes her witness of the power the Bible gave her in a concentration camp: "Sometimes I would slip the Bible from its little sack with hands that shook, so mysterious had it become to me. It was new; it had just been written. I marveled sometimes that the ink was dry." (Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place) My fondest prayer for any human who wants to open our modern-day ball of curious workmanship would be this: to discover the same mystery, and as they journey through God's dealings with His children as they read, come to marvel that the ink is dry.

Friday morning, long hike day. Dale's been doing it since retirement, except for the long months of my illness, hospitalization, and recovery. He craves his hike days like oxygen or chocolate chippers, his finely-honed cookie recipe, which he sometimes takes on his hikes. We say prayers together, and like most hiking days, there are two prayers going on in my head: the one I am saying out loud, and the one I am saying in my head. The one out loud: "Father - please bless us with the Holy Ghost today. Help us listen and recognize Thy voice. Give us the strength to obey what we hear." The one in my head: "Father - please don't let Dale think he's invulnerable on that mountain alone today. Please keep him safe and bring him back to me." Uncharacteristically, Dale kisses me twice - the typical 'see you later' peck, and then a more lingering one, like he's serious. And I had a little catch in my heart that said, "Something's going to happen to him today." Three hours later, I had a phone call from an unfamiliar number. "Is this Mrs. Simper? This is Tyler - I'm a paramedic with Salt Lake County. It looks like you're husband is having a heart attack. We're taking him to IMC." He maybe didn't say that part about Salt Lake County. The words I heard were: paramedic... husband... heart attack... IMC... As I drove to IMC, weeping, I prayed, "Father, please don't have spared my life two years ago to make me do the rest of this alone." I felt peace and the distinct thought that everything was going to be okay. But notice - sometimes Father doesn't tell us what okay looks like. I fully recognized I was not told which side of the veil Dale was going to land on for today's okay. Three hours later, after a frantic rush to the cath lab, two stents had been placed in the main artery of Dale's heart - the one grimly nicknamed the 'widowmaker.' He was in ICU with monitors on his heart. Around this time I got a text from an unfamiliar number. It was the woman in the photo - on the left - Tori. "Hi, I was one of the women trail runners that helped Dale out today. How is he doing now?" Tori and the other women in the photo were trail running on the Salt Lake Overlook Trail where Dale was hiking. They had passed him on the way up. For Dale, two miles up, when he felt distress and knew he was in trouble, he knew unmistakably that he had to turn around to get down that mountain. The same four runners passed him coming back down, and saw instantly he was in trouble. It took asking four times if he was okay before he could pant out, "I think I'm having a heart attack." Miracle 1 - these women were runners. They were trained and accustomed to running this trail. Miracle 2 - there were four of them. Two could run to the trail head parking lot and drive out for cell service to call an ambulance. Miracle 3 - The two who stayed behind - Tori and the one in the white, Camille - helped him get back down the two miles he'd just hiked up. Camille asked Dale if they could say a prayer, which they did. He had been praying for help before they got to him. Miracle 4 - Camille is a nurse. As she could, she started to ask Dale the medical questions she knew the paramedics would ask. She was then able to give all that information to the paramedics, because... Miracle 5 - Dale was completely spent a couple of hours later when he finally reached the ambulance with his new angel friends. Why is that a miracle? To my mind - being completely spent at the moment he hit that ambulance, with absolutely nothing more in him, tells me there were angels helping him from the other side of the veil as well. Dale spent the weekend in the hospital - close to 24 hours in ICU, and another 24 on a general nursing floor. He's now a cardiac patient with serious damage to his heart that needs to heal - presumably from the several hours of exertion while no blood or oxygen was getting to his heart. He went from a guy on no meds to a guy with a pill catcher full of pills to heal his heart. He's keeping track of sodium and carbs, and isn't planning on making chocolate chippers quite so often. To say it's humbling to know both our lives have been spared so we can stay together for now is a whopper of an understatement. What could God possibly be up to? No sense trying to answer but to live in such a state of gratitude that we never stop asking Him what else we can do for Him to thank Him. Knowing that our dearest Father in Heaven is always up to something, I'm quite sure that somehow, as we keep trying to be His little helpers, that question will keep getting answered in both ordinary and extraordinary ways. Last Friday - the extraordinary little helpers' names were Tori, Camille, Cassi, and Erin. One thought to ask God that morning how she could help Him. Look what He did with that prayer. I will never be able to stop thanking her and her friends for being where He needed them.

(Originally given as a talk in sacrament meeting June 12, 2022) I need to give you three images for the story I'm about to tell. The first image comes from the series, The Chosen. After Jesus casts evil spirits from a man, the man lays completely spent from the trauma of the ordeal. As he lies on the ground, Jesus tenderly holds the man’s face in his hands, and tells him, “I know it felt like it would last forever, but it’s over now.” The second image comes from a little girl who survived the Willie Handcart Company, Agnes Caldwell. Though she was rescued, she was devastated that the man who rescued her made her run alongside the wagon for quite a while, nearly past the point of complete exhaustion. Then, when she thought she could run no further, he tenderly gathered her into the wagon, and wrapped her with blankets. During the run, she was certain he was the meanest man that had ever lived. Later, she realized the man had forced circulation back into her very frostbitten legs and feet, most certainly saving them. The third image is from a story in a letter we received home from our son when he was on his mission in Argentina. He received a phone call one night from a young man who had been baptized that day with his wife. The wife had gone to a home to see about taking in their laundry to earn some money for their family, only to learn it was a trap, where she was sexually assaulted. Grant and his companion rushed to the hospital to be with the young couple. Grant wrote home that he took this young husband – not much older than he - by the shoulders and said to him, “These are the kinds of experiences that will either bind you to God, or tear you away from him. YOU are the one who decides which.”  Grant wrote that he could see from the look on the man’s face that he was going to choose God. So - remember these images: Jesus holding a face in His hands, a wagon master saving a little girl’s legs and feet by making her do something she didn’t think she could do, and a young man making an important decision to never leave His newly found God. Now. The story. On October 27, I fell on my morning walk and broke my shoulder.  After spending hours in the emergency room being treated, Dale and I both presented with covid symptoms three days later. I was admitted to Park City’s IHC hospital on November 3. On November 22, I was told I needed to be intubated. I remember thinking that this meant I would most surely die, which surprised and disappointed me. I don’t remember feeling all that sick. On November 30, doctors performed an emergency bowel resection, as heavy sedation had slowed my body systems and a bowel obstruction had formed. The surgery went seemingly well, until December 5 when I went into septic shock and renal failure. It was discovered that the resection had leaked throughout my body. Two more surgeries were performed to save my life in the next three days, and I was put back on a ventilator for another two plus weeks – a total of 25 days of intubation. This still sounds like someone else's story; I remember nothing after November 22. The next cognizant thought I had was on December 18 – a week before Christmas - waking up in ICU and having someone tell me all this. The next three weeks included dialysis, attempts at physical therapy to wake my atrophied muscles up, and horrible bouts of PTSD – usually, in the middle of the night. I was moved to a skilled nursing facility on January 6 – the only one of two facilities in a 4-state area with an in-house dialysis. No other facility wanted to deal with getting me to a dialysis clinic, as I was completely immobile. The next 7 weeks were more physical and occupational therapy and more dialysis. Besides my life being spared, the greatest miracle, to me, was walking out of that facility on February 23 on my own two feet, finished with dialysis. One of the most important nights, spiritually, during this incredible journey, was the night of my birthday, three days before I was first intubated. I could tell I was having trouble filling my lungs, but I still didn’t feel all that sick. And I got the wild idea… to sing. The nurses could hear me; they told me later. Looking back, I think it was more than just trying to fill my lungs with air. I think the Holy Ghost was teaching me, before I entered the pit that was the next three months, that I needed to learn to praise God IN the hard thing. I had so often marveled about Nephi being able to praise God as he was tied to the mast of a sinking ship, or Joseph, praising God as he was thrown in a pit by his own brothers, sold into slavery, and falsely accused and imprisoned. How do you do that?  I could understand being grateful for the lessons after the fact, but how do you praise God in the middle of the Hard Thing? That night I went to YouTube, where I found Dale and 360 of his closest little singing friends, who sang these words with me: Benediction Come to us this night, Console our souls, Becalm our fears, And bless our sleeping. Come to us this day, Awake our hearts, Renew our minds, And bless our rising. Come to us this hour, Restore our hope, Confirm our faith, And bless our living. Come to us we pray, Receive our love, Behold our joy, And bless our praising. (David Warner) I probably sang that song at least 15 times that night. That night was one of the most sacred nights I’ve ever experienced. Looking back, I know the Lord was helping me build the ark for the coming flood, and teaching me a lesson I would need and use for eternity. Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s April conference talk, “Our Relationship with God,” quotes Brigham Young: “My faith is placed upon the Lord Jesus Christ, and my knowledge I have received from Him.”  Elder Christofferson said that it is in building this relationship with God that strengthens our faith, not the receiving of expected blessings or outcomes.  I have learned for myself that this is true. That’s one of the great blessing of trials. The refining process – and who we become in the trial – is definitely part of the blessing. But the greatest blessing is better knowing our beloved Father, His Son, and the Holy Ghost personally. Elder Christofferson promised: “We can anticipate growing trust and faith in the Father and the Son, an increasing sense of their love, and the consistent comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.” All three of those promises were realized in what I have come to call my Liberty Jail Winter – which, incidentally, lasted about the same length of time. 1.  I trust my Heavenly Father, my Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost more than before. Elder Christofferson counseled, “Allow Them over time to manifest Their fidelity to you. Come to know Them and truly to know yourself.” I am a witness, and was spared to witness:  the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are always with us. Their tutelage during this earthly experience is profoundly personal and intimate. They will leave nothing undone for our best good. I do not hyperbolize when I say that They have been with me every single moment of this unusual trial of facing death, losing all my strength, and literally relearning every single thing my body once knew how to do effortlessly. My prayers became constant, with no formal beginnings or endings – just an endless conversation with my most beloved Father in Heaven, who created me to have this experience so I could learn to trust Him and love Him best. 2.  It can be difficult to imagine that adversity – especially pain – is a manifestation of God’s love. But I am a witness, and was spared to witness: God loves us so much, He allows the conditions of the Fall, our own agency, and the agency of others, to provide learning opportunities in a world of opposition.  We could receive these valuable lessons in no other way. We have scriptural evidence that God weeps over the human condition and the suffering of His children, particularly including the suffering of His most beloved and obedient Son. The most loving instructions I received in the darkest days of complete helplessness were these three words: Be. Here. Now.”  As I heard those words so often, I came to recognize that Father didn’t want me to dwell on the what if’s or if only’s of the past. Nor did he want me to become overwhelmed at the seemingly impossible milestones still ahead of me in my future. The instructions to Be. Here. Now. - taught me two valuable lessons. I learned to truly experience all the wretchedness of the experience, so I could witness forever that I wasn’t in that place alone. I was succored and supported by Jesus Christ, because of His atoning sacrifice, particularly because He had taken my name as proxy into the sacred temple of the Garden of Gethsemane. Even more sacred to me – I have learned that if I had wished that sacred place of here and now away, I would have left Jesus Christ there to have suffered it for me – alone – thereby missing out on the opportunity He gave me to Be. Here. Now – with Him. Learning to Be. Here. Now. is what has taught me that He truly wants to always be there with me. 3.  Recognizing the consistent comfort and guidance of the Holy Ghost has always been one of the most tender evidences of God’s love for me. I’ve always fancied I’m a little spoiled because of the personal tutelage that I receive from the Holy Ghost. But learning to do everything over again has meant learning to listen to my body in ways I didn’t know how to do before. The Holy Ghost helped me with every step – from not taking too big a bite when I was relearning to eat, to whether to push to sit up or stand up a little longer, or to recognize it was time to rest. The Holy Ghost also taught me to focus on my caregivers rather than my own pain and discomfort. I learned to ask a really important question: “tell me your story.”  The Holy Ghost taught me of the heroism of these hard-working, overworked angels, and instructed me to testify to them of God’s love for them, and of how heroic their lives and their efforts were to me. Focusing on something besides my own miserable condition was important training to think of others before myself, and in doing so, it blessed us all. Several of my helpers would spend time in my room, saying “It feels different in here. There’s peace in here. There’s light in here.” I am a witness: when God is there, peace and light must also be there. Remember the three images I spoke of earlier. Those images are important to this story, because I was one of those three faces at different points in the last several months. Over these last months, I was the man, at one time or another, spent from the trauma of the experience, whose face Jesus cradled in His hands. I am a witness and was spared to witness: I could nearly feel His hands on my face. I have been the little girl running beside the wagon. There were moments where I couldn’t believe how hard it was to be made to do such a thing, when all I wanted to do was rest. But praise God forever, that besides being the tender Father who cradled my face, He is also the wise Father who placed me in a situation where I had no choice but to run – or in this case - climb painstakingly out of the deep, deep pit, nearly spent with the effort. But most importantly, I was also like the newly-baptized young man, who decided in the midst of the hard, that I was not leaving my God, nor was I blaming Him. That was the beauty of learning to praise Him. One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes comes from The Screwtape Letters. Screwtape, a senior devil, writes this warning to an apprentice devil: “Our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do [God’s] will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” We aren’t always going to be in the mood to be obedient. Circumstances will make us feel that we have a note from home that excuses us from being obedient. But the truly obedient – are obedient even when they’re not in the mood, or when the circumstances would suggest otherwise - no matter what happens to them. They understand the importance – and the power – of covenants. God’s love isn’t evidenced in the sparing of a life, nor is it evidenced in the calling of a child home. God’s love is evidenced in the lessons taught and learned in each of our personalized curriculums, no matter where they take us. The very most important lesson I learned was to praise Him – to tell Him regularly, with the intent to learn to tell Him unceasingly – that He is good, that He has all knowledge, all love, all light, all power, that His plan is perfect in its power to save His children, and that I rejoice in being a part of it. Praise is more than gratitude – it’s the highest form of gratitude. It implies trust, a sense of God’s love for us personally, and an acknowledgement of His consistent comfort and guidance. Praise can save us from despair. I am a witness, and was spared to witness: praise saved me from despair. Elder Christofferson ends his talk: “In the end, it is the blessing of a close and abiding relationship with the Father and the Son that we seek. It makes all the difference and is everlastingly worth the cost. We will testify with Paul ‘that the sufferings of this present [mortal] time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.’” (Romans 8:18) Francis Webster, a survivor of the Martin Handcart Company, expressed it perfectly:  “The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay.” I am a witness: it is a privilege indeed. I close with these images of praise that come closest to expressing the sure knowledge and joy of my heart that God is my Father, that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and that the Holy Ghost is my teacher and testator, and that these three are, indeed, my truest, my most unfailing and faithful Friends. From the hymn, “Love Divine, All Loves Excelling”: “Finish then, thy new creation; true and spotless let us be. Let us see thy great salvation perfectly restored in Thee. Changed from glory into glory, till in heav’n we take our place, Till we cast our crowns before thee, lost in wonder, love and praise." This is a beautiful reference to one of my favorite scriptures of praise. In Revelation 4:10-11, it speaks of the four and twenty elders, which are not just twenty-four people, but rather, a representation of all faithful people who keep their covenants: “The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying, “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou has created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” The pleasure of our God is to see His children happy, and the nature of happiness is to be with our God. We receive those crowns by virtue of the perfect obedience and generosity of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who shared His earned inheritance with those of us who could never earn a crown without Him. How fitting, then, that we should cast those crowns at His feet, in eternal praise for His goodness – and the goodness of our great Father, who would allow that perfect Son to suffer all our hard things with us, so that He could share celestial glory with us. I am a witness, and was spared to witness. I was spared to witness that I know these things by the power of the Holy Ghost, who has taught them to me. For this priceless knowledge, I praise the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Edited version of this talk appeared in the April 2023 Liahona under the same title: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2023/04/united-states-and-canada-section/praise-in-the-hard-things?lang=eng

"The one perfectly divine thing, the one glimpse of God's paradise given on earth, is to fight a losing battle-and not lose it." G.K. Chesterton The second to last chapter in the Book of Mormon is a letter written by Moroni’s father, Mormon. At the beginning of the letter, Mormon expresses frustration over the behavior of his army. Attempts to discipline their base behavior causes anger. Saying nothing brings even more unrestrained debauchery. And then he writes what has become my Reason to Fight for Lost Causes: “And now, my loved son, notwithstanding THEIR hardness, let US labor diligently; for if WE should cease to labor, WE should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God.” (Moroni 9:6) True disciples of Jesus Christ do the right thing, and don’t alter their behavior or choices because of someone else’s behavior or choices. The disciple of Christ leaves an unmistakable record of where he stands with this independence. Our choices reveal our character, our desires - and WHOSE we really are. They reveal the principles we value the most. As the letter progresses and the army’s behavior sinks ever lower, phrases like these are tragic and sobering: - “they are without order and without mercy” - “ I cannot any longer enforce my commands” - “they delight in everything save that which is good” - “THEY ARE WITHOUT PRINCIPLE AND PAST FEELING” (Moroni 9:18-20) That last one jumped off the page this time. Not because it’s surprising that a nation who has rejected God has become past feeling for mankind. That’s simply a test-and-measure statement of natural law. What really got me was why: the people were without principle. And then, perversely, I shook my head and laughed ruefully over the clever sophistry of the destroyer. How do you get a society to completely abandon law and order - become past feeling? By getting it to abandon its principles. BUT - how do you get a society to abandon its principles? By focusing ONLY on feelings. At first. Ironic much? But the greatest thinkers and writers and doers of the ages know this one great truth: principles are for the very times when our fickle human feelings cannot be trusted. Principles are to prevent our feelings from betraying us. They’re for clinging to in the storm. They’re for keeping us from becoming beasts. Principles are what drive us to fight for a lost cause, because in the end - fighting for God - and the rights of His children - is NOT a lost cause because it’s fighting WITH God. And God wins. This book is exquisite. The people in it are noble and heroic, and testify of Jesus Christ. The principles in the Book of Mormon can prevent individuals - and nations - from succumbing to fickle feelings - abandoning those principles - and becoming past feeling. I would commend you to seek this Jesus (Ether 12:41) who walks the pages of this book, and changed forever the lives of those who followed Him. He’s changed me, and continues to. I’m so grateful I’ve learned that even awkward and clumsy attempts to follow Him… count.

(Edited from original post October 22, 2022) A plea to my Utah friends: please, please, please break up with KSL News and the Deseret News - two of the most damaging political influences in Utah. For years, we were subscribers to the Deseret News, and believed KSL to be an unbiased, trusted local news source. Typing that makes me sick to my stomach today. Trusted? Um. No. Unbiased? Not even close. I cut my teeth politically on the likes of Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams – both syndicated and carried in Deseret News for years. So I assumed what I fear far too many still assume - that Des/KSL, if not conservative leaning, are at least moderate. If they were, they are no more. The thing that makes Des/KSL dangerous to the Utah political landscape is the fact that so many believe they’re getting their news from a conservative source. Or worse – far too many believe that because of the Church’s connections to these news outlets – these news sources, if not endorsed by their church leaders, are at least unimpeachable. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth; they are reading or listening/watching their news mingled with scripture. Like the scorpion who stings the frog in the old story, with the Trib, at least you know what you’re getting when you pick it up. But far too many of my friends are regular consumers of Des/KSL, and regurgitate bald-faced lies as truth – lies I know came from these Utah media wolves in sheep’s clothing. The longer I’m away from regular exposure to them, the more glaring their lies are – often, simply lies of omission. I continue to be astonished, mystified, and even terrified at how successful Des/KSL has been in driving a narrative that is damaging the state of Utah. Those of you who know me well, know I don’t care at all if we disagree. As I’ve spent the last 14 years of being more wakeful – not woke – about the world around me, this is something I’ve learned from my own experience. The idea - ‘maybe I’m wrong about Des/KSL…’ led me to look at all the news I consume with a more critical eye. And that idea led to an even more important discovery: news is a product, and everyone who produces it has an angle. You’d best figure out everyone’s angle and assume nothing about anyone’s motives without your own due diligence. All that has led me to this personal axiom: friends don’t let friends consume Des/KSL.

(Original post January 2023) It's just an ordinary plate from a Mexican shop in Ensenada. Probably didn’t even cost $20. I bought it on a cruise we took with some friends several years ago. As I got it out after putting Christmas away, I realized how much I loved it. The day we bought it, I’d laid the bag it was in on the top of my open suitcase when we returned to the ship, hoping to insulate it with clothing before packing it. I don’t remember the heavy item Dale was carrying, but he tossed it on top, and we both heard the smashing ceramic pieces at the same time. Then we both did something extraordinary, given the years of imperfect practicing that has been our marriage. He instantly said he would try to fix it. Was it even worth it, given the fact it was not worth a lot to begin with? Before it was even out of his mouth, I had already made the decision to not be angry or cross. I felt deep disappointment, but my first instinct was that he was more important than a souvenir. If you look closely, you can see all the places where Dale painstakingly glued this not-worth-very-much souvenir back together. Across the room? It looks absolutely lovely doesn’t it? Up close? You can see the evidence of the scars. It’s the most beautiful metaphor for our marriage - and reminder of how much we’re growing together - that I own. So. Basically, it’s priceless.

(originally posted June 3, 2017) Slice of life story: We all know what we are supposed to do when life hands us lemons, BUT… do we know what to do when life is in a mood and simply will not hand them over? What then? Tomorrow is our extended family’s monthly Sunday dinner, and it’s my turn to host. My parents, Auntie Denise, and my brothers and their families will all come for a monthly FHE.  Besides the BBQ’d chicken tenders, we will also be making my mother’s irresistible homemade lemon ice cream, and no, I will not tell you what time dinner is. Much as I love you all, I just can’t feed you all.  ;) Clearly, lemons will be on my grocery list. Friday morning is traditionally the day I take my mother to get groceries. The first Friday of the month, we also hit Costco. Yesterday was the first Friday of the month, so yes – we hit both Winco AND Costco. ATTEMPT ONE: I’m at Winco, where there are plenty of lemons. But no, I need many lemons, because I also drink this potion every morning with the juice of half a lemon in it. This potion has affectionately been nicknamed the Kevorkian drink, because we’re pretty sure it was his idea. So, in the presence of the lemons, I make the conscious decision to reject them all in favor of the large bags of lemons I know await me at Costco. ATTEMPT TWO: I’m at Costco, where there USUALLY plenty of lemons. But no, not today. There is not a single lemon in the store. When I asked the lemon guy, he said they’d sold out in one day. When I expressed mild surprise, Lemon Guy gave me a look that clearly communicated, “You do know you’re in a Costco, don’t you?” He hastens to tell me they’re getting more lemons, but not until later in the day – 5:00 or 6:00. You know – the time we all love to go to Costco. ATTEMPT THREE: After unloading two trips of groceries at my mother’s house, and two trips of groceries at my own house, I’m feeling fainthearted about going back to Costco for a big bag of lemons. Stacie’s a good sport; maybe she’ll come with me. We set out for Costco a little after 7:30 p.m., because seriously – go to Costco around 5:00 or 6:00? – are you nuts?  And I kid you not – NO. LEMONS. Lemon Guy #2 affirms, yeah, none came in today.  By now, thanks to flowering pear trees (DO NOT ASK), it’s too late to go to Sam’s Club, where Stacie has a card; why don’t we just run over in the morning after we walk in the park? Super idea - the Quest for the Holy Grail Lemons continues. ATTEMPT FOUR: It’s Saturday morning, the walk in the park was everything it should be, Stacie is proud to have remembered her “cards”, and we are off to Sam’s! We get there, jump out of the car, this mission is finally down to search and destroy mode, when I hear Stacie gasp from the other side of the car. I walk around to see her standing there, staring in disbelief at: her driver’s license (I am driving) and… her credit card.  That’s right. No. Sam’s. Card. Stacie is now apologizing profusely, taking complete responsibility for my lemonless existence, insisting she needed to come back over and fill her car with gas anyway, and I am laughing my head off, remembering that naïve moment, 24 hours earlier, when I was in the presence of lemons, and cavalierly walked on by. ATTEMPT FIVE: Stacie kindly sets off, without me this time, to get MY lemons. Knowing they’re for me, she just for a little second forgets that she hasn’t actually gotten back to Sam’s to get the lemons, and starts to come to my house to deliver my lemons, begins a quick U-turn in front of my house so she can actually GO to Sam’s for gas. Oh, and the lemons. It’s really, really good ice cream. That is all I am saying.